A man walked into work on Monday morning looking absolutely terrible. He had two huge black eyes, one on each side, and everyone in the office stopped to stare.

His boss saw him and immediately called him over.

“Good grief, what happened to you?” the boss asked. “You look like you lost a boxing match.”

The man sighed and said, “You won’t believe it. It happened yesterday at church.”

“At church?” the boss asked, surprised.

“Yes,” the man said. “I was sitting behind a rather large woman during the service. Everything was normal until we all stood up to sing hymns. That’s when I noticed her dress had somehow gotten stuck in her crack.”

The boss raised his eyebrows.

“So, trying to be polite and helpful,” the man continued, “I reached forward and gently pulled it out.”

“And then?”

“She turned around and punched me square in the eye.”

The boss winced. “Well, that explains one black eye. But what about the other one?”

The man shrugged and said, “Well… I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”